Learning Patience
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I’ve talked to a lot of people who meditate who have said that having kids has been one of the best tools to practice cultivating patience and compassion. Sometimes hearing two kids argue over who gets control over the tv clicker can make you want to scream. Other areas of frustration can be seeing kids fight over the last ice cream bar, watching one sibling mock another or seeing immature name-calling. How can we master our own reactions to these behaviors as well as be an example to them and teach negotiation and conflict resolution?
First of all, it’s helpful to remember how important these issues were to you when you were that age. Kids can tell when you can empathize and understand them. No one wants to be spoken to externally like an object and everyone loves when you speak to them with understanding. Think about how you felt with your sibling growing up or how important certain things were to you when you were their age. Even now, do you find yourself competitive or jealous at work or around friends? If so, you have a little clue as to why your kids get into their squabbles! Don’t get all superior and condescending to kids, but let them know how it seems that these issues are SOooo important, but in a month from now they won’t matter at all! This helps a child get a bit of perspective.
A second tool that is useful is to try to help your kids communicate with each other and to learn how to say things without hostility or anger. This is often difficult in the heat of the moment but what a great skill for kids to learn at an early age. First each can say to the other what he/she wants and to try it in a pleasant way, without whining or blowing up at the other one. If emotions get in the way, teach your kids how to practice apologizing.
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